I had a very painful but very necessary lesson this week about ‘helping’ and ‘obligation’ and being authentically honest with myself.
First, let me say being an Incarnated Angel (Earth Angels by Dr. Doreen Virtue) means I often feel this challenge of wanting to jump in and help people and not stopping long enough to listen to my intuition and stop before I create a mess. Angels are helpers. They are healers. They wear their hearts on their sleeve.
Now, to back up a moment, let me say that in case you haven’t noticed this year, every spark of energy you put out is getting mirrored back to you this year, faster and more immediately and concretely than previously. For example I always have a kitten calendar on my wall over my desk (because hey, how can you be stressed while looking at a kitten?). Last year, in the spring, I found 1 small stray kitten who was a perfect replica of the one on my calendar. I took him in, nursed him for a couple of days and then took him to the SPCA where he went on to find a lovely home.
This year, I again found kittens. Not one but by the end FIVE. They also look suspiciously similar to the ones on my calendars, very cute.
Now, before I go further, I want to also mention that stray kittens are a very specific, symbolic metaphor for me. Because I have a huge heart, I have a tendency to try to rescue. Rescue kittens. Rescue clients or friends – my mother calls these my strays. I often befriend people who are in need and I also often end up hurt and frustrated because why can’t they understand I’m trying to help and let me? Well, in the case of real kittens, because they are animals – duh?, they have cat brain and so of course they don’t understand. They are afraid and they act on instinct.
Well, sure enough, the very last kitten I tried to catch was the cutest, fuzziest and most adorable long hair, fuzzy black kitten. Seriously, it could be on a commercial, this is how cute this kitten was. Of course, this is also the one that scratched and bit me and carved a chunk of skin off of my fingers. Why? It was going on its natural instinct, being defensive by going on the offensive. If it can, scare me away and fight, then it would protect its little fuzzy self. It didn’t understand in its little furry head that I simply wanted to feed it milk and wet cat food.
Now this happened in the midst of a seemingly unrelated incident with a person who I worked with a long time ago. This person contacted me about a small, personal project and asked me to do some design work on it (my muggle job is as a graphic designer). However, every attempt I made to give creative concepts or constructive feedback hit a wall. I would give sketches, they would literally hate them. I would ask for constructive feedback or clear direction and I was told I was incompetent for not simply doing what they wanted. They became so territorial about their project they went on the offensive with me, who they asked to help them. This was basically a big cluster of miscommunication. And, the HARDER I tried to please this person and meet their expectations the worse it became.
Know why? Because this person didn’t really want my help. This lesson for me is about personal power and boundaries and being truly, authentically honest with my self.
My reality is, I’ve shifted a lot of my energy and beliefs in the last 5 years. But this person hasn’t. Like that kitten, they are RE-ACTIVE. Instead of stopping and consciously observing they, like many people now, are living in 3D and their ego which is basically the equivalent of cat-brain but with people. So, like this stray kitten who was scratching and biting the harder I tried to befriend it, people like this go on the OFFENSIVE to DEFEND themselves and what their ego perceives is a threat.
After 1 week of repeatedly attempting to get this project to gel and being repeatedly threatened to be ‘fired’, I decided to surrender and let it go. I quit. I didn’t charge them because they were unhappy and I wished them luck.
Do you think they acted gracefully or with relief? Nope. They went into Offence Mode and began emailing me and calling me names and being rude and degrading.
Know why? Because people like that WANT to be engaged energetically. If a person like that can get you to RE-ACT and you don’t, they up the game and go on the offensive. It creates an energetic and emotional dis-charge. Basically, people like this are drama junkies. They get an energy boost and a nice cocktail of adrenalin, cortisol and whatever other chemicals the brain and body can cook up and produce in fight and flight situations.
And so, like my little stray kitten, in this situation I got bitten.
Needless to say I was stunned to not only get physically hurt by a small cute animal, but to be verbally and energetically attacked by a person I also had perceived to be friendly and whom I had placed some degree trust.
I was kind of puzzled. I meant talk about having a BAD DAY. Here I am with my fingers throbbing and my feelings smarting and feeling a bit betrayed and I ask my angels WHAT IS GOING ON? no answer. yet.
The next day I took the kittens to the SPCA. The other kittens were no problem and transferred out of the carrier easily. And then there’s the little fuzzy one. The lady working looked at her and chuckled. She brought out this huge, thickly padded leather glove and picked up the kitten and popped her into her new carrier with her siblings.
Today, the Angels reminded me that I hadn’t shielded myself very well. I should have worn gloves with the kittens and I should have been more proactive by not getting involved with this person who in hindsight has always been rather difficult. In both cases I’d forgotten to shield my Self.
My Angels reminded me that I wasn’t listening to my intuition or their nudging. I didn’t honour the doubt that crept in, that maybe I shouldn’t get involved with this person. Like most people, I ignored the hints and tried to be logical. I kept giving the benefit of the doubt, believing, in good faith, that we’d hit our stride and it was just a rough start, everything would sort itself out.
Now, just to segue, recently on a hay house podcast Doreen Virtue mentioned that the energy we are in now is like being outside at high noon. Every reaction of the ego is like a dark shadow and so we have to be specific, honest and act in integrity. So I asked if this was affecting my day and the Angels said “YES. DONT LIE. BE HONEST”
Huh? How was I lying? I had been truthful with this person and polite. I had really tried to please but nothing I did was working. Any action I took backfired. I asked questions, I was told off. I offered feedback, I was told off. I gave proofs and asked for input, I was told off. I asked why and I was insulted. 7 days of this. And when they were dissatisfied I didn’t charge them or accept money. Simply said good-bye.
BUT, my Angels said, “NO, you weren’t honest darlin’. You didn’t WANT to do this project, not deep down. When you said you did, you were untruthful, not to just to this person but you your Self. You accepted to be polite, not out of interest. Please, LEARN to give your Self PERMISSION to decline and say NO. We always take care of you and you are never in lack, yet it was in that energy that you accepted this, even when you really didn’t want to interact with this person or work on their project. That is what they reacted to. Its OK not to want to work with someone or be friends with them, but it is no longer an option to pretend or act out of politeness. You are NOT OBLIGATED to this person or any person to do anything. That is old Lightworker mis-belief to feel this way and it is no longer AUTHENTIC. To be in obligation means surrendering your free will, which is no longer acceptable at this time. Now is the Time to be Authentic to what your heart truly wants. These episodes were designed to mirror back to you very specifically so you’d get the message and retain this lesson.”
I’m like yeah. ok. You’re right.
“Dear one, wanting to help and heal is part of the very core of your nature and an integral part of your soul. It is valuable and we do not want you to be discouraged. You were given this painful lesson by this small kitten to teach you to respect your own boundaries and the boundaries of others. While it is appropriate to rescue kittens because they were in peril, it is NOT appropriate to attempt to force healing or rescue on people. With both you need to protect yourself appropriately. We are having you write this because MANY Lightworkers, talented and shining Earth Angels such as you go through these situations, just as you do and they are also feeling the pressure and the energy as this year becomes more intensive. It is very bright out, it is almost high noon. The ego is creating more shadows to give contrast so Souls can SEE the cause and affect of their beliefs, actions and behaviour. While the little kitten doesn’t have self awareness, people NEED to wake up and BE SELF AWARE, TO OBSERVE and learn to assess before reacting. You did your part but release this now with forgiveness and worry not anymore. You are aware and we think, will not forget anytime soon to handle stray kittens and people with more care.”
So, bottom line? Angels, I promise to not do work or interact with people when my instinct says no.
And I will always catch new kittens with gloves.