I have had a challenging week. I’m wrung out and exhausted and feel like just curling up and hiding from the world.
I’m sure lots of people feel that way, but I haven’t in a long, long time and it’s a humbling experience.
What I am learning is that this is once again a reminder of how conscious I have to be, constantly and not to let that slip. Ever, apparently. And no, I am not being melodramatic! Being a Highly Sensitive Person has its challenges. If you have never read The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron, its worth it! I also suggest, if you suspect you are HSP to take a Myers Briggs Test. It will also confirm this for you. (I’m an INFP).
Some traits might include:
- Being easily overwhelmed by such things as bright lights, strong smells, or loud noises
- Getting rattled when you have a lot to do in a short amount of time
- Needing to avoid violence on television – news, movies, shows
- A need to withdraw during busy days, into bed or a darkened room or some other place where you can have privacy and relief from the situation
- Making high priority to arrange life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations
- Enjoy delicate or fine scents, tastes, sounds, or works of art
- Have a rich and complex inner life
- sensitive or shy
Over the years I’ve been described as ‘Too Sensitive!’ or that I ‘lack’ self esteem. Or that I have an ‘artistic’ personality and I am tempermental. What I have come to learn is that NO, I am not any of that. I’m just wired a bit differently from average. And when I experience overload, I re-act. I don’t have a temper and I’m not overly emotional, but when there is too much it needs a dis-charge. Mostly I cry and get anxious. Very rarely but occasionally, I will get angry.
When I learned that these traits were normal, it was very liberating. I learned to accept myself and stopped trying to mould myself into other’s ideas of what I should be like. Western society does not value sensitivity any more than it values the right brain or creativity. It values conformity and logic. That can be very challenging for someone who is creative and sensitive. Needless to say I didn’t gain any popularity at work or with people for not conforming.
Now, when I speak of sensitivity I am not just speaking emotionally. Yes, I am emotionally sensitive – empathic even. I am very compassionate to the point I will often cry for another. This isn’t ‘taking on’ someones’s stuff but a gift, I guess in compassion. Sensitivity, however, in this sense also applies to my environment both physically and energetically. If the ‘vibes’ are off, I will pick it up. I am guessing that being ‘psychic’ or whatever, compounds this and/or is also a result of this too.
My challenge with this is that I lack an ability to FILTER all of this extra information. The average person might be oblivious to what I sense or pick up or notice. I’ve been told this is a product of me adapting to life when I was young and maybe needed to be on top of everything, not to control but as a survival mechanism in a family and school situation that was bullying and at times harsh. Regardless of how it came about, what it means is that I have to be conscious and present and discern whether this information applies to me or whether its not to do with me at all.
I have to be rested and not under a lot of stress and then I am fine doing this. But, when I am not, but become overwhelmed by sensory and energy input and I can’t filter it fast enough. Then I make mistakes and ‘read’ into things wrongly. If I am speaking to someone and just a flicker of an eyelash or a twitch and I become worried, believing they are mad at me and they don’t like me or I’ve done something ‘wrong’. Add the empathy and energy sensitivity into this high def perception and you can see how I can make mistakes.
Anyway, its been that kind of week. I snapped at a someone over some miscommunication and now i feel like crap. I lost my temper at another. I’m stressed out because a loved one injured themself and it hurts me to see them in discomfort. The people I lost my temper with have been acting without integrity and even illegally, but by losing my temper, I screwed up and was no better and I feel like even more crap. I’m sure there is some psychic pollution in the mix and it makes me feel logey and sore. Basically, I feel stretched and crabby.
Anyway. I guess if anyone out there reads this and experiences this, I just wanted them to know they aren’t alone.
So now I’m back to what I call bootcamp for me:
- Getting lots of sleep and eating regularly to re-regulate my routine
- Taking multivitamins and emergenC every day
- Taking magnesium & selenium supplements for my nervous system
- Using some herbal remedies and FES Flowers and Rose Water for comfort
- Keeping still and quiet and getting some alone time outside
- Going swimming twice a week to discharge
- Drinking lots of water
- Chakra clearing daily
- Self checking, often and regularly during the day